It's hard to talk about race.
It feels distant yet so close. Twitter and Instagram flood my feed with black posts on #BlackLivesMatter, which has opened a bigger discussion on race. Everyone has their opinions on what we should care about. Some right, some more right.
Somewhere in the middle of this divide, I'm typing as I tend to do. Away from violence, almost clear of the vitriol, in the comfort of my home. I can donate and sign petitions, but I can also turn off my phone and watch reruns on TV. Trying to bury the uncomfortable truth in my stomach. That I'm terrified and angry - at myself mostly.
Wondering why the world has suddenly gone dark, and if what I'm doing, what I am, is going to be enough.
My cat, Tigger passed away on Sunday. We buried him on Monday.
With everything burning online, and my emotions were running wild, I decided to be selfish for a while. I switched off my phone and watched reruns on TV. But I couldn't sleep any better though. I cried, thoughts rummaging in my head. So I decided to write this, in hopes of making sense of my feelings through all of this.
Particularly how I accumulated such anger, hubris, and loss.
I have lived in two different worlds. In one that doesn't feel I'm Malay enough for them, and another that feels I'm not western enough. Until now, I'm still trying to find a place that lets me be myself. Though I'm not sure what that is yet.
With everything burning online, and my emotions were running wild, I decided to be selfish for a while. I switched off my phone and watched reruns on TV. But I couldn't sleep any better though. I cried, thoughts rummaging in my head. So I decided to write this, in hopes of making sense of my feelings through all of this.
Particularly how I accumulated such anger, hubris, and loss.
I have lived in two different worlds. In one that doesn't feel I'm Malay enough for them, and another that feels I'm not western enough. Until now, I'm still trying to find a place that lets me be myself. Though I'm not sure what that is yet.
When I was in Exeter, I learned how to navigate spaces to accommodate others - even if that meant keeping quiet. Because when I am loud, I become a liberal Muslim feminist who reeks of social justice. Somehow indoctrinated by the left-wing agenda and the Quran. To many, I'm not a real person. That's fine. I've thought that before.
When your being gets called into question so many times, it crumbles and builds up. Over and over again until you forget what your being is at all. But I am, and will always, be a Malay Muslim who should put her foot in her mouth.
Seriously.
I think back to University, and how socially aware I thought I became.
Through the many academic books read for my degree. My essays written on the subtle racial divide in England. The slow realization that no matter what, I will always feel othered. My education and experiences weaved together into three years of depressive outlook on society, but an optimist for the new generation. Yet, bringing this knowledge home is almost impossible. Our two worlds are so different.
It'd be easier to remain ignorant. I can forget the rallies, the events, the pain because I'm safe now. I don't need to speak up anymore, I don't need to care anymore. It is no longer my life. It would have been easier to say nothing at all, but that's not me. I wish it was.
America is entering another week of protests due to the brutal killing of George Floyd.
His last words were; 'I Can't Breathe.'
They echo and reverberate too loudly.
I think about the suffering the black community has always faced. The frustration and disdain that has burst into what it is now. People are angry, they are exhausted. I am too but there is a pang of guilt gnawing in me. Knowing that I am safe when they are not.
I hate myself because all I can do is empathize and be an ally, to donate what money I have and sign petitions online. Though I doubt that will change the systematic racism embedded in the nation, it is the only thing I can do right. That, and evaluate my own behavior.
As I write this at midnight, the self-hatred in my throat is bubbling. It has been for weeks. I cannot help but think that all of this is performative.
I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way.
That perhaps this performance is all show and nothing I have done matters. What I do feels important but I question why it matters so much to me. If it is all for the good or the perception of good. There are days I can comment and retweet with my own ideas. Often haphazardly as I've come to understand.
My words are angry, they are mine. I can post things without thinking too - without intending to hurt but they do. I regret that the most. I can share, and post and call out whatever I feel like. I can get emotional, hollowed-out, and broken down in this fight. But the fact remains; this is not my fight.
My words are angry, they are mine. I can post things without thinking too - without intending to hurt but they do. I regret that the most. I can share, and post and call out whatever I feel like. I can get emotional, hollowed-out, and broken down in this fight. But the fact remains; this is not my fight.
It never was.
I am not black, I am not in America, I will never know the struggles of being black in America. What we are seeing online is only a snippet of the injustice. I am far away from it - that is an uncomfortable privilege. One I am learning to accept.
Even if this world has become much darker, there is still light for me. The worst I've encountered do not weigh in comparison to the many underprivileged communities that deal with discrimination every day. My own experiences of racism don't matter because where I am now, it doesn't matter.
As a Bruneian Muslim, I have privileges that many do not. The implicit biases, racism towards minorities, and anti-blackness in the community are subjects that we are slowly discussing now. I feel that's good. As an ally, what I can do with my privilege is to elevate their voices. Listen and never silence, even if it is born out of anger. Even if it is directed at me.
If it were, the only winners are the oppressors. Asians have encountered an obscene amount of racism during - and before - the pandemic, Muslims are still attacked for their faith. In Brunei, minority groups being treated poorly by the many. All these things can exist at once, and we can still say, Black Lives Matter.
It does not, and cannot invalidate, the Black Lives Matter movement.
It is urgent, it is here and it may change the world.
Saying that #BlackLivesMatter shouldn't be controversial. Saying people with a platform must speak up shouldn't be controversial either. I regret the way I said it but I do not regret the context. Black boxes on a page don't matter if we don't educate ourselves and others too. To reach out and discuss in our lives in any way we can.
I struggle every day with being enough, for a better society. I'm going to make mistakes as an ally and I definitely have. But what I will continue to advocate, for allies across the world, is to assess our own prejudices and internalized racism. An examination of what we are in the dark.
In the dark, I am still a small Malay girl who is afraid of being too much or too little. Navigating new spaces while learning about racism in my own country from friends and others alike. I hope to learn something new every day, even if it's uncomfortable.
Especially if it is uncomfortable.
All I can say now is that we must listen to the black voices that have been silenced for so long. I ask that we, myself included, keep an open mind. I ask we continue to sign petitions, donate, and remember that their pain is not ours to keep.
If you'd like to donate, @AmaninaS is organizing a collective donation from Brunei to BLM protestors in Oakland/Bay Area. She will help distribute the funds to Peoples Breakfast Oakland, a black grassroots organization serving people in Oakland; bailing out Black folks across Alameda County, and Black Earth Farms, grassroots pan African & pan Indigenous farming collective; delivering free food to black folks affected by Oakland uprisings.
For more information, Pieces Project has a google doc filled with petitions, donations, and helpful content to educate ourselves. You can find it here.
I'm tired, I miss my Tigger, and thank you for reading.
If you'd like to donate, @AmaninaS is organizing a collective donation from Brunei to BLM protestors in Oakland/Bay Area. She will help distribute the funds to Peoples Breakfast Oakland, a black grassroots organization serving people in Oakland; bailing out Black folks across Alameda County, and Black Earth Farms, grassroots pan African & pan Indigenous farming collective; delivering free food to black folks affected by Oakland uprisings.
For more information, Pieces Project has a google doc filled with petitions, donations, and helpful content to educate ourselves. You can find it here.
I'm tired, I miss my Tigger, and thank you for reading.
With love,
Bash
#BlackLivesMatter.
Bash
#BlackLivesMatter.
I've been blogging for almost 5 years.
Making YouTube videos for over four. It's a strange experience, to say the least. I make videos sporadically - not enough to be good yet and few to be ever successful. While most of my content has been beauty-related, I've gradually made fewer. Specifically, fewer makeup tutorials and reviews.
Why?
Do you still watch makeup videos?
with love,
with love,
Bash Harry
I've been Bullet Journaling for about two months now.
Methodological? Maybe.
Helpful? Very.
I spent two hours setting up the first few pages of the journal because I wanted to get it just right. Even though there are no such things. Other than that, I still spend at least 15 minutes a day (sometimes more) updating it for the next few days, or just doodling for fun. Not everyone has time for that.
If you're like me, you like going all out. Once I decided to try bullet journaling, I shipped a Leuchtturm 1917 Dotted Notebook from Amazon UK to my sister then asked her to buy double-ended highlighters to match my paints. This is too much of a hassle for journaling. But that's on me.
It's going to be messy and you have to accept that. There are ink stains, bad drawings, and notes scattered everywhere. None of my Monthly pages look similar at all. A part of me is screaming inside cause I want to look perfect. The other part knows it will never be.
But honestly, it mostly inspires me.
And it's fantastic.
My bullet journal is filled with pages upon pages of my 2020 so far. From my time in Sri Lanka to work as a host, it's a nice way to log life as it goes on. And as someone who loves talking about things she's obsessed with, I've compiled some reasons why you should (and should not) start a bullet journal.
Here are my Pros & Cons of Bullet Journaling.
PROS:
1. Organized & Structured
I like that it's organized cause it helps me feel like I'm organized. The pages are where they are supposed to be, titled and notated for future reference. To go even further, I color-coded everything so my eyes are trained.Methodological? Maybe.
Helpful? Very.
2. Customizable & Open for Creativity
As someone who isn't as creative as she wants to be, I consider my bullet journal controlled creativity. I get to draw, color in and add doodles wherever I please. Not only that, how the journal will look like is completely up to me. Something I personally dislike about regular planners is how rigid there are.3. One Place For Everything
It's my place for (almost) everything. This bullet journal is for my notes, plans, ideas, and acts as an occasional moody diary. It keeps everything where it is. I don't have to look through multiple notebooks anymore. Thank God.4. Consistent Writing
It's helped me write daily. When I'm out, I carry it in my bag for the times I'm waiting or a bit bored. I write what's on my mind, or ideas I've been itching to explain. Sometimes it's poetry or potential scripts. Other times, it's just stuff I saw and really want.
5. It Is For Me & Only Me
And just how it should be.CONS:
1. Time-Consuming
I spent two hours setting up the first few pages of the journal because I wanted to get it just right. Even though there are no such things. Other than that, I still spend at least 15 minutes a day (sometimes more) updating it for the next few days, or just doodling for fun. Not everyone has time for that.
2. Expensive & Hard to Get
In theory, it's cheap. All you need is a pen and a blank book. But...If you're like me, you like going all out. Once I decided to try bullet journaling, I shipped a Leuchtturm 1917 Dotted Notebook from Amazon UK to my sister then asked her to buy double-ended highlighters to match my paints. This is too much of a hassle for journaling. But that's on me.
3. Not for a Perfectionist (Me Included)
It's going to be messy and you have to accept that. There are ink stains, bad drawings, and notes scattered everywhere. None of my Monthly pages look similar at all. A part of me is screaming inside cause I want to look perfect. The other part knows it will never be.
4. Comparisons to Others
If you've seen #BuJo on Instagram then you will immediately think your journal is crap. I certainly did. I don't have decent handwriting or any artistry skills. Other than tapping on a keyboard, my hands are useless. So seeing all the amazing journals lets you down sometimes.But honestly, it mostly inspires me.
Would you ever try Bullet Journaling?
with love,
Bash Harry
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with love,
If I have to give any piece of advice, it's to never listen to me. Especially when I'm sad.
When I'm sad, I tend to do silly things like buy last minute tickets and dye my hair. Last week, I got some pretty sad news so I thought I would go back to my many bad habits. Get my hair done to make myself feel better. It went as expected.
with love,
Bash Harry
My February was packed.
As soon as I finished my internship, I jumped into filming almost every day. 7AM Starts for a 10AM Shoot that lasts till the evening sometimes. I'm dolled up daily but rarely do I have photos to prove it. Just hours of footage not released till April.
I'm getting ahead of myself though.
Here's how February went.
1. STARTED FILMING AS A PRESENTER
Since the first week of February, I've been shooting almost every day for RTB's upcoming show. This is my first job as a host and it's so exciting. I meet cool people and chat about their lives. Have I been nervous on camera? Not really, and I thank everyone in the crew for that.
2. P.S I STILL LOVE YOU
John Ambrose deserves better. There, I said it.
My sister and I watched the 'To All The Boys I've Loved Before' sequel, and here's the thing. It's a typical Teen Romance for this generation. I both like it and don't. A Schrodinger's film. I'll probably never watch it again but I'll definitely watch the next one coming one.
Also, #TeamJohnAmbrose
3. I'M IN A NISSAN COMMERCIAL?!
Yes, yes I am.
It's been a while since I've done commercial work, probably very rusty. But when I got the offer to do the shoot, I jumped in excitement. I also jumped cause I don't drive. My first time driving ever is now in cinemas. Oh well...
You can see the Nissan Commercial here!
Yes, yes I am.
It's been a while since I've done commercial work, probably very rusty. But when I got the offer to do the shoot, I jumped in excitement. I also jumped cause I don't drive. My first time driving ever is now in cinemas. Oh well...
You can see the Nissan Commercial here!
4. READING ON MY KINDLE
I was once anti-ebooks but now, I've grown to really enjoy them. Since picking up my Kindle again, I've 3 e-books including Harleen (2019), a graphic novel - which I highly recommend for Harley Quinn fans. For this upcoming long-haul flight, I'm definitely going to bring it as company.
I was once anti-ebooks but now, I've grown to really enjoy them. Since picking up my Kindle again, I've 3 e-books including Harleen (2019), a graphic novel - which I highly recommend for Harley Quinn fans. For this upcoming long-haul flight, I'm definitely going to bring it as company.
5. CONSTELLATIONS: ELEMENTS OF THE NIGHT
Bruneians Read hosted a book club and of course, I went.
Its theme was all about the Starry Night, filled with chats about books, ice-breakers, and my sticky Honey Garlic stained fingers. For the first time in a long time, it felt like I could talk about books with people who liked books too, our opinions clashing only occasionally.
Bruneians Read hosted a book club and of course, I went.
Its theme was all about the Starry Night, filled with chats about books, ice-breakers, and my sticky Honey Garlic stained fingers. For the first time in a long time, it felt like I could talk about books with people who liked books too, our opinions clashing only occasionally.
It was quite literally, just one afternoon in Saigon.
Apart from the long commute from the airport to Zone 1, we did manage to visit some sights!
OUR 1 DAY ITINERARY
- Saigon Central Post Office
- Notre Dame Cathedral
- Ho Chi Minh City Hall
- Cafe Apartments
Saigon is split into districts, and so most of our itinerary landed us in District 1 since it's the city center. We managed to see most places in District 1, everything was in walking distance. If we had more time, maybe in the morning or another day, we could have gone to other places but here's what we managed.
SAIGON CENTRAL POST OFFICE
One of the most iconic tourist destinations in Ho Chi Minh City, it's actually a functioning post office to my surprise.
With beautiful colonial architecture and ornate decorations, it felt like I was back in Europe. Inside though are regular people sending letters, the tourists and merchants selling trinkets and souvenirs to said-tourists. I didn't manage to get some, unfortunately. Only some photos.
One of the most iconic tourist destinations in Ho Chi Minh City, it's actually a functioning post office to my surprise.
With beautiful colonial architecture and ornate decorations, it felt like I was back in Europe. Inside though are regular people sending letters, the tourists and merchants selling trinkets and souvenirs to said-tourists. I didn't manage to get some, unfortunately. Only some photos.
NOTRE DAME CATHEDRAL
There is a surprising amount of French Colonial Architecture here in the city, like the Notre Dame Cathedral. And like the Notre Dame in France, it was closed for construction. Oh well.
Tall at 60 meters, the stained glass windows and all-red brick were imported from Marseille. It is still a functioning church with a Virgin Mary statue right in front. It's one of the few strongholds of catholicism in a largely Buddhist Vietnam.
Tall at 60 meters, the stained glass windows and all-red brick were imported from Marseille. It is still a functioning church with a Virgin Mary statue right in front. It's one of the few strongholds of catholicism in a largely Buddhist Vietnam.
HO CHI MINH CITY HALL
It was closed by the time we arrived by 5.
A pastel yellow fixture that oversaw the long walk. The city hall is one of the most iconic and well-preserved landmarks in Vietnam, with a statue of Ho Chi Minh in front of the main building. I wish I could have gone inside but I'll settle for next time.
CAFE APARTMENTS
It is what it is. A stack of cafes and shops in an apartment block.
I've never seen anything as cool and eclectic as this. We trudged up the stairs to see different shops as there are no layouts for the floors. It's the fun kind of maze, finding little treasures on your adventure. We found ourselves at a small bakery to rest before we went back to the airport.
Photos by
The one place I wished we did got to was Ben Thanh Market but it had closed early, and the night market opened later. We didn't have enough time to visit and make it back to the airport on time.
Still, Vietnam left me a sweet taste and a longing to go back. Only time will tell when.
Still, Vietnam left me a sweet taste and a longing to go back. Only time will tell when.
Have you ever been to Saigon?
Where is your next destination?
with love,
Bash Harry
It's a little too big for one and somehow always messy, but much better than sharing a cramped room with my sisters. I was planning on saving up to do a giant room renovation. However, I quickly realised doing it all in one go is a lot of money.
So, I decided to do the Room Makeover in smaller, manageable parts. In this new series; Room Diaries, I'm going to show how I'm going to - or try to - update and renovate my bedroom! Starting off with compiling inspiration and creating a mood board!
The mood board was designed using Melissa Carter's free template which I desperately needed. I've compiled a Pinterest board with my favourite room inspirations. None are perfect but they have little bits and pieces that I'm planning to steal.
HIGHLIGHTS IN THE MOODBOARD:
- Artworks
Having artwork feels like an essential part of adulthood thus I want some artwork in my room. Specifically this giant art piece by Photowall. It was gifted to me but I still have no idea where to put it. I'm hoping to find its place before the end of the year.
- Neutral Tones with Pops of Blue & Gold
Keeping in mind that my room is fairly dark and masculine due to the wood. I would like to change that. Whether that would mean removing the mood and repainting it or something else, I'd like to stick with neutral tones with pops of blue and gold. I just like the colors together.
- Easy &Accessible Storage
There are a lot of closed cabinets that I don't know what to do with. Currently, there are hiding photo albums and unseemly junk. I'm hoping to declutter within the next few months then perhaps purchase some cute storage for easier organisation.
- Mirrors
Cause y'know, vanity. That and mirrors are an easy way to bring light into the room. Since I only have one source of light (that's covered by trees) through the windows, mirrors cross the room would be great to bounce off light into the room.
- Maybe 1 or 2 Plants
I don't know whether I'm ready to be a plant mom. I can barely take care of myself. That being said, I would like a few to spruce up a room and maybe give myself a lifeform to care for. I need to start researching easy-to-care plants soon.
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I made a video if you'd rather watch!
This Room Diaries is a long process to help make this bedroom feel like a home. While I don't know how long I'm staying here yet, it's better to start now than never. Maybe the next part will be about decluttering.
Have you ever redecorated your room?
with love,
Bash Harry
Bet you wanna skip my calls now,
Well guess what? I like that."
Lorde defined us as 'the loveless generation'.
Whether sarcastic or otherwise, its concept rings true to me. A generation without love as a necessity or opportunity. We have made unloving mainstream. Breaking hearts and having hearts broken is an infinite cycle we play every few weeks.
Whether sarcastic or otherwise, its concept rings true to me. A generation without love as a necessity or opportunity. We have made unloving mainstream. Breaking hearts and having hearts broken is an infinite cycle we play every few weeks.
The decision to stay unloved and sad. After all, if we're not dancing the sadness away, we're wallowing in it.
Or is that just me?
I wouldn't call myself loveless.
Never. I've got plenty to spare. Wrapped in bows to give away like gifts to strangers. Truly, I think I yearn for it. Just as many now do and always have. The desire to feel loved and be in love isn't new. All the great stories were built upon it.
Romeo & Juliet.
Orpheus & Eurydice.
Paris & Helen.
They all ended in tragedy. So few good stories end happily. Yet we still crave it. The feeling of love, forgetting that it will end as does all things.
And that's okay.
To be young and in love is beautiful, even if it is temporary. Even when you know it is temporary. Even when you know heartbreak is inevitable. It becomes valuable.
Never. I've got plenty to spare. Wrapped in bows to give away like gifts to strangers. Truly, I think I yearn for it. Just as many now do and always have. The desire to feel loved and be in love isn't new. All the great stories were built upon it.
Romeo & Juliet.
Orpheus & Eurydice.
Paris & Helen.
They all ended in tragedy. So few good stories end happily. Yet we still crave it. The feeling of love, forgetting that it will end as does all things.
And that's okay.
To be young and in love is beautiful, even if it is temporary. Even when you know it is temporary. Even when you know heartbreak is inevitable. It becomes valuable.
Your time together is perishable.
So you hold them closer, stay in their arms a little while longer. Remember their smell, the faint musk of black coffee and freshly washed sheets. You stare at their smiles, thin lips pressed and light stubble hiding their jawline. Your fingers brushing their brows then your eyes lock theirs. Caught in an embrace of hazel and brown.
They tell you, "I'm here, I'll always be here." In a fleeting moment of bliss, you believe them. You kiss their forehead and whisper, "I'm yours, as much as you are mine."
And you almost believe it.
They tell you, "I'm here, I'll always be here." In a fleeting moment of bliss, you believe them. You kiss their forehead and whisper, "I'm yours, as much as you are mine."
And you almost believe it.
You wonder when will it end, and hope it isn't soon. Because now, right now, they are beautiful and they are here. They love you but they will leave you.
After all, they are only temporary.
After all, they are only temporary.
Terima Kasih means 'Thank You' in Malay. And now you should know why this is my new favorite shirt.
I had written this back in 2017 when I was blasting Lorde's Melodrama playlist in the library instead of actually studying for my degree. I always thought to delete it but three years later, it's published on Valentine's Day. It feels better in hindsight.
About three years now and I'm finally finishing it.
Feelings are as temperamental as the weather but my favourites rarely change. The subtle differences in my mood when I'm out, or doing something I love. You never get bored of it. It's personal, it's close, it's good.
These are some of my Favourite Feelings.
It sounds silly but there's something right about being in your own bed. I spent three years moving houses, sleeping in different beds but never feeling quite right. When I came back home, I laid on my old bed and slept till the afternoon. I woke up in a familiar place, sunlight peaking in.
I felt safe, I felt good.
2. OPENING UP TO SOMEONE
I never heard a term for this until my first year of Uni. Late night in the James Owen Court Halls, a friend and I had tea without creamers, sharing stories from Brunei and Kenya among others. I remember seeing his eyes glint as he went on, missing his friends across this wide world. It was a feeling I knew well. Later, he thanked me for this 'DMC.'
"What's that?" I asked.
"Deep Meaningful Conversation, D.M.C."
Oh.
3. ACCOMPLISHING A LIFE-LONG GOAL
Last year, my first pilot premiered.
They hired me as a writer, so I wrote the repilot of their miniseries. I was too busy and exhausted to get excited over it then, not to mention I was 8000km away. Now though, I think about my first professional writing experience. It was recently nominated for Best Asian Drama at the First Asia Content Awards.
I did that, no one can take that away from me.
4. FINISHING A GOOD BOOK
There are some books that get you emotionally invested, your eyes glued to the pages. This happens sometimes but rare enough that it leaves you drained once you closed the paperback. Your mind racing from the plot or the prose. It's rare that it happens now, but when it does...damn.
If I could recommend a book, that would be Angie Thomas' The Hate U Give or It's Not About The Burqa: Muslim Women on Faith, Feminism, Sexuality, and Race.
Both are amazing.
5. LONG WALKS ALONE
A little melancholic but I like it.
When I lived closer to town and the nights were colder, I'd just take walks. I would grab the closest jacket and head out the door, just to walk from one end of town to the other. I'd sit outside with my headphones in to sit somewhere new and scenic, on bus benches as I watch drunks coming home from the pub.
It was just the right kind of loneliness.
I haven't done this in years.
Let's try again.
These are the 5 Things that struck me in January.
1. Visited Sri Lanka for the First Time
It was planned and not planned.
It feels like my first holiday in a loooong time. Rather than sticking to a strict plan for work and cameras in my face, I spent it walking along with new places while I caught up with old friends on rooftop bars. We watched the sunset then tried to finish a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle. What a lazy holiday heaven. No cameras around (okay, not true - less photo taking)
2. Ella-Kandy Train Ride
It's called the Most Beautiful Train Ride in the World, and definitely for a good reason.
We managed to book some seats but the other seat blocked the window. What we could peak though was stunning. Sprawls of trees and mountain views passing by. It got significantly warmer as the train moved down to the hotter areas. I managed to get some nice shots leaning out the train.
Don't do this on the subway kiddos.
3. Finished My Internship
A little bittersweet but I'm happy nonetheless. I mentioned it in my Year in Review that I started a 3-month internship involved in Climate Change. It was tiring yet the most absolute fun I've had in an office. I'm glad to have helped out as much as I could in these short 3 months.
4. Started Bullet Journaling
And it's actually going well!
It started on a whim. When I'm anxious (or about to get my period), I spend hours jotting down future ideas. On the last week of December, a wave of ideas for bullet journaling happened for some reason. I bought a Leuchtturm1917 Dotted Journal and some pens, spent 4 hours detailing how the first 20 pages look and here we are now.
I'm not writing every day but I'm consistent. It feels like my mind is going somewhere again.
5. Finished 6 Books
Considering I only read about 8 books last year - I think I've started off quite strong.
I finished the last pages of the Flowers in the Chakrawala by my friend, Hariz Fadhilah on New Year's Day, and finished the audiobooks; Alan Cumming's Not My Father's Son and How to Be a Grown-Up by Daisy Buchanan. In Sri Lanka, I read the Wisdom of Whores and Forest of Enchantments while on beaches and trains. And just finishing up the month with Chuck Palahnuik's Fight Club. Now, I can finally watch the movie.
I'm surprised I read as many books as I did. Perhaps it's the heat and leisure that compelled me. With February rolling around, I might finally start with Michelle Obama's Becoming soon!
My January months tend to feel painful, usually in hindsight. This January feels different, I find that good. It started with good sleep and ended in a beautiful sunset. I've gotten a bit of a tan to prove it. The past decade's fading behind my lines. I can't wait to see what 2020 has to offer.
It was planned and not planned.
It feels like my first holiday in a loooong time. Rather than sticking to a strict plan for work and cameras in my face, I spent it walking along with new places while I caught up with old friends on rooftop bars. We watched the sunset then tried to finish a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle. What a lazy holiday heaven. No cameras around (okay, not true - less photo taking)
2. Ella-Kandy Train Ride
It's called the Most Beautiful Train Ride in the World, and definitely for a good reason.
We managed to book some seats but the other seat blocked the window. What we could peak though was stunning. Sprawls of trees and mountain views passing by. It got significantly warmer as the train moved down to the hotter areas. I managed to get some nice shots leaning out the train.
Don't do this on the subway kiddos.
3. Finished My Internship
A little bittersweet but I'm happy nonetheless. I mentioned it in my Year in Review that I started a 3-month internship involved in Climate Change. It was tiring yet the most absolute fun I've had in an office. I'm glad to have helped out as much as I could in these short 3 months.
4. Started Bullet Journaling
And it's actually going well!
It started on a whim. When I'm anxious (or about to get my period), I spend hours jotting down future ideas. On the last week of December, a wave of ideas for bullet journaling happened for some reason. I bought a Leuchtturm1917 Dotted Journal and some pens, spent 4 hours detailing how the first 20 pages look and here we are now.
I'm not writing every day but I'm consistent. It feels like my mind is going somewhere again.
5. Finished 6 Books
Considering I only read about 8 books last year - I think I've started off quite strong.
I finished the last pages of the Flowers in the Chakrawala by my friend, Hariz Fadhilah on New Year's Day, and finished the audiobooks; Alan Cumming's Not My Father's Son and How to Be a Grown-Up by Daisy Buchanan. In Sri Lanka, I read the Wisdom of Whores and Forest of Enchantments while on beaches and trains. And just finishing up the month with Chuck Palahnuik's Fight Club. Now, I can finally watch the movie.
I'm surprised I read as many books as I did. Perhaps it's the heat and leisure that compelled me. With February rolling around, I might finally start with Michelle Obama's Becoming soon!
I didn’t tell my parents I was solo traveling until the plane took off. I sent a quick selfie to the family group chat, said goodbye and turned off my phone. Suffice to say, they weren’t thrilled.
The day I booked the tickets, my mind wasn’t working right. I had been crying, worried, angry at myself. It could’ve been anywhere. I had been looking at Oslo the night before but the tickets to Venice were cheap - a return from Bristol was only £24. That Saturday morning, I booked the flights and the following Monday, I left.
I never thought solo traveling was for me, I imagined someone else tagging along but this was a trip I had to do myself. It was a necessity. Four short days in Venice, Italy left me better than ever.
Here’s why.
1. It’s terrifying.
The first thing I did when the plane landed in Venice that late evening was break my portable charger. I had tripped on my way to Immigration, which took so long I almost missed my bus to the hostel.
Not a great start to my trip.
When traveling alone, there is an underlying tone of fear. I clutched my backpack, had no valuables in my pocket, and printed copies of my passport. I always returned to the accommodation before 8pm. These small precautions made my trip feel safer, I wouldn’t have done if I traveled in a group.
This fear heightens your awareness of your surroundings. You’re focused on new people and the places you go. Solo traveling makes the fear just a slightly bit more real (in a good way, I promise).
2. Time for self-reflection
I spent more time writing notes in cafes and streets in those 3 days than I did in the past 6 months.
I was able to do what I want when I wanted. Whether to see landmarks or sitting down at a cafe just to write my thoughts on said-landmarks. Being alone in a new city provided me space to think, at a time when I was incredibly lost. I had no direction, no reason, no feelings left to comprehend anything.
If I didn’t leave the UK, I don’t think I would have made it.
You’re forced to grow. When I felt empty, I left to develop a new sense of self. The change of scenery and time away makes you think. I definitely needed that.
3. Being alone is okay
I struggled with being alone, I always needed to be with someone - friend or otherwise. My mornings and nights spent attached to the point it had become exhausting. I had forgotten who I was by being another. For someone like me, supposedly so sure of myself, that was destroying.
Taking time to be alone meant I started enjoying myself.
I realized my love for writing again, typing out feelings and research in one article or more. Taking photos without keeping others waiting. I even missed sitting down just to take in the scenery. I hadn't done that in so long.
4. You're a freaking BADASS.
Seriously. Going to a new place without anyone, feeling afraid but doing it anyway is bravery to me. At the moment of my first solo trip, I was having a meltdown and didn't think about the wild adventure I was about to go on.
I walked around Venice streets alone and heartbroken. Instead of sulking, I wrote about it instead. Badassery can be as small as picking up a pen and writing, or as big as traveling. It's all subjective.
I walked around Venice streets alone and heartbroken. Instead of sulking, I wrote about it instead. Badassery can be as small as picking up a pen and writing, or as big as traveling. It's all subjective.
who will never read what I wrote.
Unless they see these blog posts, which I'm hoping they don't.
Going through old notebooks from a few years ago, I found a few snippets of prose and poetry. They're sketched and inked onto old papers but I like to think they still have some sentimental value. They remind me of better times when I was a little bit happier during the holidays.
Here are some Words in Books I'll Never Write.
0 1. goodnight
His head on my chest,
and my fingers in his hair.
Eyes closed,
and still fully clothed.
We’re gently rocked to sleep
by the rhythm of our heartbeats.
Neither of us were particularly good dancers, but he put jazz on the speakers and took my hand. A foot in front of the other, I followed in pursuit. Our bodies swayed across the room, taking wild twirls in turn. He dipped down low and spun and pulled me back in.
We both laughed, dizzy from nightcaps. We danced, even after the song ended. Moving to a beat we played differently in our heads. How madly in love we looked that Christmas Eve.
He was mad, and I was in love.
and my fingers in his hair.
Eyes closed,
and still fully clothed.
We’re gently rocked to sleep
by the rhythm of our heartbeats.
- 29th November 2017, 00:20AM
0 2. christmas eve
Neither of us were particularly good dancers, but he put jazz on the speakers and took my hand. A foot in front of the other, I followed in pursuit. Our bodies swayed across the room, taking wild twirls in turn. He dipped down low and spun and pulled me back in.
We both laughed, dizzy from nightcaps. We danced, even after the song ended. Moving to a beat we played differently in our heads. How madly in love we looked that Christmas Eve.
He was mad, and I was in love.
- 22nd December 2017, 00:13AM
0 3. new years
I looked up at the sky, illuminated with lights crackling up in the air. Loud cheers from the pub two minutes away, singing and laughing. I look back at you as if this new year would be alright. You take my hand, covered in a mitten, and kiss it gently.
"Happy 2018."
You walk too fast for me, I run faster. I call out to you and you stop by a street light. You look at me behind your shoulder, your lips suppress a smile.
"Hurry up, it's freezing," you gesture to the road. Huddled in a coat much too big, and that blue scarf I liked so much. You look happy, content with life as it is right then and there.
"Forgive my little legs." We both chuckle as I catch up to you, fireworks sprung out.
I looked up at the sky, illuminated with lights crackling up in the air. Loud cheers from the pub two minutes away, singing and laughing. I look back at you as if this new year would be alright. You take my hand, covered in a mitten, and kiss it gently.
"Happy 2018."
- 4th January 2018, 5:21PM
I would like to preface this post by saying all of this writing is purely fictional. Maybe. Perhaps inspired by true events but written by someone who, at the time of writing, had been wearing rose-tinted glasses.
I have literally no ideas.
Often times, my brain is blank when it comes to writing new blog posts. My fingers never get around to typing more than a 'The' every other day. To compensate, I decided to sit and write out 25 Blog Post Ideas in under 5 minutes.
And I did it! Here are 25 Blog Post Ideas (when you can't think of anything else)
BEAUTY
1. Makeup Product Review
2. What's in My Makeup Bag?
3. Skincare Routine
4. Makeup of the Day
5. Monthly Favourites
FASHION
7. How to Style [blank]
8. # Ways to Wear [blank]
9. Brand Review
10. Celebrity Outfit Inspirations
LIFESTYLE
11. A Day in My Life
12. House/Flat/Room Tour
13. Travel With Me
14. DIY Projects
15. Journal With Me
PERSONAL
17. # Things About Me
18. Dear Diary
19. My Thoughts on [blank]
20. Monthly Roundup
MISCELLANEOUS
22. Guest Post
23. Restaurant Review
24. Blogger Help & Advice
25. Tips & Tricks to Improve Your [blank]
Do you have any favourite blog post ideas?
with love,
Bash Harry
Busan is a treasure hidden in South Korea, the second-largest city in South Korea. Bigger than Seoul but quiet in its character. The weather at 6 degrees greeting us with a cool breeze. I ran out in just a t-shirt, I missed this kind of air. Cold but welcoming.
We spent 4 days in Busan, exploring what it had to offer so here is our little Travel Guide to Busan!
DAY 0.5
- Chinatown, Texas Town, Russian Town
DAY 1
- Mayor’s Residence
- Hauendae Beach
- Haedong Yonggung Temple
DAY 2
- Gamcheon Culture Village
- Busan International Film Festival Square
- Jagalchi Fish Market
- Busan Traditional Arts Centre
- Shinsegae Centum City
DAY 3
- Busan Cooking Class
- Cafe 38.5
- Seomyeon Street
- Bay 101
HIGHLIGHTS OF THE TRIP
HAUENDAE BEACH
Haeundae Beach is Busan's most famous beach with its white sands reaching far that stretches 1.5km long. The shallow bay and city skyline reminds me of Singapore, if not bigger. We went when it was quiet, the sun and wind hitting our skin.
Our tour guide, Hailey told us it was better in the Summer, filled with locals ready to swim when the cultural events and festivals happen frequently. I didn't mind though. I think I just in awe how silky the sand felt between my fingertips.
Our tour guide, Hailey told us it was better in the Summer, filled with locals ready to swim when the cultural events and festivals happen frequently. I didn't mind though. I think I just in awe how silky the sand felt between my fingertips.
HAEDONG YONGGUNG TEMPLE
Described as 'The Most Beautiful Temple in Korea' and I agree.
'At least one of your wishes will be answered here through sincere prayers' is Haedong Yonggung Temple's motto - and maybe it rings true. I know prayer brings peace, and seeing people pray in this holy temple gives me hope.
The Buddhist temple is nestled along the shoreline, a rarity since most temples are up in the mountains. It's a far walk to its main temple, but every step taken shows you a view you've never expected. Even if you might get lost like I did.
'At least one of your wishes will be answered here through sincere prayers' is Haedong Yonggung Temple's motto - and maybe it rings true. I know prayer brings peace, and seeing people pray in this holy temple gives me hope.
The Buddhist temple is nestled along the shoreline, a rarity since most temples are up in the mountains. It's a far walk to its main temple, but every step taken shows you a view you've never expected. Even if you might get lost like I did.
GAMCHEON CULTURAL VILLAGE
I have never been to a place like the Gamcheon Cultural Village.
Known as the Santorini or the Machu Picchu of Korea, the houses are built in staircase-fashion on the foothills. Paintings and murals cover the village in vibrant colors to catch our eye. The government, village, and artists collaborated to renovate it in 2009 to become a tourist attraction.
They certainly succeeded.
BUSAN TRADITIONAL ARTS CENTRE
The Busan Traditional Arts Centre recently opened in April 2019. It's a base for local traditional arts, cultural exhibitions, and cultural properties. We met the artists of the trade like a shoemaker of Korean slippers and the Buddhist monk who specialized in calligraphy.
It was a short visit but showed us the importance of cultural tradition for Busan. I always admired classic art forms, only they could do so well.
CAFE 38.5
Photos by
Danial Aldani
When I say this is the coolest cafe ever, I say it is the coolest. Cafe 38.5 is located somewhere in Yeongdo-gu, four floors of floor to ceiling windows with a scenic view of the coastline. Let me just say it was absolutely magical.
We had gone when the weather was perfect at 16 degrees. On the fourth floor, we accessed the slanting rooftop and sat there as we ate the amazing pastries. The sky clear and seaport close by, it felt like I was in a K-Drama and my leading man was going to show up any minute.
He still hasn't.
The media trip was sponsored by
Busan Tourism Organisation
Busan Tourism Organisation
If you'd rather watch instead, I do have the trip in two videos! Even though it was three days, it felt like one loooooooong day filled with walking, food and good company. I'd love to go back again with my family next time.
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