OOTD | (don't) want to do

Bruneian Hijabi Beauty Blogger

L I F E   I S   B U I L T   O N   A   S E T   O F   R U L E S.

Of what to do's, and what not to do's. Ingrained in our brains since childhood. Developed until teenagehood. Ignored by adulthood and eventually repeated by elderhood. We are in an endless cycle of rules and regulations. Most of them set by ourselves. 

It's difficult to decide what rules to follow when we don't know what is there to do. So many things to do and not to do. 

So what do you want to do?

Brunei Hijjabi styling minimalist goth wearing black and white
HEY BASH Brunei Style hijjabi styling a black and white outfit
Bash Harry Brunei BloggerBash Harry Brunei Blogger
“Stop asking people...what they 'want to do' and start asking them what they 'don’t want to do'.- Amy Poehler, Yes Please

Thank you, Miss Poehler for the insightful quote.

It's easier to decide what rules to follow based on what you don't want to do. A frank list of anything you want to avoid. You put in dedication to things you want to do, and ignore things you don't want to do. It's easier to know what you want to do when you know what you don't want to do.

Makes sense? Let me give you a list.

I   D O N ' T    W A N T   T O   B E   A   F A S H I O N   B L O G G E R

Friends tell me my sense of style is 'boring' and 'dull.' That is accurate. 

It was only in 2015 I made a conscious decision to actually care about what I wear. Beanies and cardigans suited me fine over the years. I figured out what I didn't like quickly. Bright colours flashing in my eyes never attracted me. Floral patterns used so often disinterest me. Black and stripes fill the white spaces instead. What others call lackluster, I consider clean. 

This doesn't mean I'll stop posting outfits. Not in the slightest. It just means when I do style an outfit, I want to look good the way I feel good. And make shorter outfit posts. Unlike this one.

I   D O N ' T   W A N T   T O   B E   P E R S O N A L

I want to be honest instead.

There is a fine line between having opinions and sharing your life story. Some people enjoy having a personal blog. They express their concerns and talk about issues. Friends and family fill their posts, full of love and warmth. It is admirable but I don't want to do that. It's okay though, H E Y   B A S H was never meant to be a personal blog.

There will always be a part of myself with this blog. What I feel when I write will affect the lexicons I type and emotions I pour. To an extent, everything is personal. To an extent, being personal is being honest. But to what extent does being personal mean relying on strangers to satisfy your life?

I   D O N ' T   W A N T   T O   B E   A N Y O N E   B U T   M Y S E L F

Comparing oneself to others is to compare an apple to vegetables. Apples are not vegetables. It's stupid and silly. Yet I have done it countless times over the course of last year. I compared myself to people I shouldn't have. Who was prettier? Who was smarter? Who was better? Whatever the answer was, still left me disappointed. 

There was an acute awareness of the wrongs I had done. The only reward was a minuscule taste of temporary satisfaction from my own paranoia. It wasn't healthy. I lost my light to become someone's shadow. I want to find the light again.

Bash Harry Brunei BloggerBash Harry Brunei Blogger
Bash Harry Brunei BloggerBash Harry Brunei Blogger
B L O U S E : (similar)   |   C R O P   T O P   :   DIY   |   S H A W L   :   (similar)
J E A N S : Something Borrowed   |   B O O T S : (similar) 

There was a point to this post. Oh yes. What do I want to do? 

No clue. 

Take this post with a grain of salt. It comes from an unreasonable hypocrite. I will probably do fashion posts because they are very fun. I will probably write personal posts because I have those emotional moments. I will probably compare myself to people because it is innate. 

What I can do is be aware of myself. My character is defined by who I am, and what I (don't) want to do.

So what don't you want to do?

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