OOTD | Baby Milo

Friday, 11 December 2015


I’m a hot mess. 

Mascara runs down swollen cheeks, crimson lipstick stained on cracked lips and skin thirsting for rain. I change into shirts too tight to suffocate, or heels too high to snap. Teeth grit when I see the smudged eyeliner surrounding my red eyes without a drink in sight. I inhale fleeting bliss and exhale pain. But cigarette smoke won’t end the sorrow in my bones.

Baby, I’m a hot mess. Kiss me quick before I fade.



I am what some would call a ‘model’ but I never quite believe it. 

I cringe when someone calls me that. It feels unearned and almost uneasy. To be viewed as pretty when slathered in mounds of makeup and hiding fats through poses. Enjoying the camera’s stare even if others gawk and glare. Models are otherworldly, aliens so unique to the beholder. It is almost impossible to believe they are human. 

It is luck I am well-acquainted with many models, since I live in a small country. Everyone knows everyone. Thus, I know many people and many people know me. It is not a statement of pride, just a statement. Still, knowing all these models changes your perception of reality. A grieving realization models are imperfect creatures like the rest of us.


No one looks like their photos, perfectly captured and filtered and edited. Countless front camera clicks, specific lighting hours, low self-esteem almost required. To be able to smile yet feel nothing. At least to me. I have never felt like a model. Never pretty enough, never tall enough, never picturesque enough. Just simple a lass in model dressing. Primped and proper, prepped to look decent. 

Off-camera, models become human with flaws the camera cannot catch. Whether of face or mind, you see them clearly. The genuine smiles or lies, humour ingrained in their voice or dry scoff when they see you. The humble are kind but the arrogant grow bold. The impression of these ethereal beauties disappear. They become human, like you and me. 

They laugh with mouths covered, or dance like monkeys. Their own lives unfolding, modelling for fun or work. It is a sight to see your perception of people change for better or worse. People are too complex to judge through a screen or captions written. 

No one is truly their photo, perfect and pristine. Perhaps I am not a model, but I am human. 


When you're exhausted from a photoshoot and throw on your friend’s gaudy hoodie. You're freezing, tired and a little grumpy. You look like a hot mess. One hot model of a mess. Ignore everything I’ve just written and look at my face. I have never felt so beautiful.

The ever-amazing and wonderful Muaz from Dragons and Pixie Dust did my makeup for the shoot. I kept it on for 10 hours afterwards. Smoky eyes, tanned skin and thicker brows. It was a tragedy removing it. Solid nine to a below average four.   

What a dream it is to work with such amazing people. Models, makeup artists and businesses. It's an incredible job to do. But throwing on a hoodie and taking a nap. That's living the dream.


67 comments

  1. You look amazing hun! I love the jumper so much and your makeup is flawless! So pretty! I also love what you have written! So powerful!
    Fix Me In Forty Five - A Beauty & Lifestyle Blog
    Blog Lovin' // Instagram
    xx

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  2. Totally agree with you. Ure so pretty Bash.

    Epiphany29.com
    Animal Print X Giveaway

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  3. Love this! Super cute photos :)

    Renee | Lose the Road

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  4. look beautiful

    http://bellodiesseredonna.blogspot.it/

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  5. lovely makeup! being a model isnt easy haha
    Pam xo/ Pam Scalfi♥

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  6. You look adorable! I just love that sweater :)

    ARedLip&Love

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  7. Oh well ,this being a model thing isn't exactly a piece of cake lol!And you are very beautiful.It's a blessing that people call you a model.Great outfit
    sophieatieno.blogspot.com

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  8. Nice sweatshirt ;D

    The Cutielicious
    http://www.thecutielicious.com
    Federica

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  9. Ah! Everything you said makes perfect sense. Models are supposed to look perfect, act perfectly & walk in perfection. It must be so much, so much for a human being.

    Noor | Noor's Place

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  10. You look so awesome in this post! Love the sweatshirt :)

    XO Raquel
    www.lincolnparksharp.com

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  11. Your makeup is just perfection. You look amazing, and yes, although people may wear makeup to hide flaws, it's the person that makes it all the more interesting anyway. Your beauty is inside and out. Happy weekend. x
    Outerwear Style

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  12. I didn't know you were a model! That's really cool. In the end, we're all human! The rasta colored sweatshirt looks super comfortable to boot. :]

    // ▲ itsCarmen.com ▲

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  13. In all honesty you give me inspiration to do my blog. Seeing a Bruneian like yourself enjoy blogging and modeling is refreshing. Keep up the great work. - Adilah Ishak

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  14. your sweater very nice, beautiful pics
    NEW post on my blog... I'd love to know your opinion
    I wish you an happy day
    a big kiss
    <<< fashion blogger >>>

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  15. Great photographs! I love this outfit so much because it's so relaxed and reminds me of the 90s.

    Connie | Sponsored by Coffee | Etsy

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  16. Loved the post, and you look amazing in those pictures!

    http://www.notesofglam95.blogspot.it/

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  17. I really loved reading this post! '

    Mallory // Perhaps Bananas

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  18. Couldn't agree more, you look fab :)

    http://anythingandeverything.weebly.com/

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  19. So in love with the colours of that jumper. So snazzy. You look gorgeous, and are pocket-size adorable! (Seriously though, can I like, carry you around in my pocket as my fashionable friend?)

    Meg | A Little Twist Of…

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  20. I love this look! Effortless-chic is the best way to describe it, xx
    Rivania | The Glam Unicorn

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  21. Beautiful your look!

    http://modernastrega.blogspot.com.ar/

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  22. I love your jumper! Looks so cute and you look stress-free here in the photos :)

    Naqibah Shares | naqibahshares.blogspot.com

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  23. Adore your outfit, the sweater is so cute. x

    http://birdiethgirl.blogspot.com

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  24. No one is perfect, and it's amazing! I think it's all about little unique things that make us different. Plus, who defines what's perfect?
    Lovely look, girl! I am like 'Yay, I made it to your blog!', glad you are back after taking a small break.
    xox Nadia
    http://mielandmint.blogspot.co.uk/

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  25. You look amazing :
    ˇplease follow my blog : THE COLORFUL THOUGHTS

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  26. Beautiful look.

    http://retromaggie.blogspot.pt/

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  27. loved reading this, she did a really good job with your eyeshadow :)

    avec danielle | holiday giveaway!

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  28. Oh Bash! You look absolutely beautiful. I love these photos especially the thought provoking words that came with it.

    www.annescribblesanddoodles.blogspot.com

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  29. This is such and insightful post! I never knew you were a model, even though you don't feel like one it's awesome :D And I have to say, you've very beautiful in these pictures <3

    Kinkx

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  30. You look stunning! Gorgeous pictures and the post was an interesting read too! If my smokey eye looked that good, I would be sad to take it off too x

    http://whiteshirtchic.blogspot.co.uk/

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  31. No one is perfect alright. We must always put our best foot forward regardless. What a great read. You look lovely.
    http://fashionablyidu.blogspot.com/

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  32. No one is perfect alright. We must always put our best foot forward regardless. What a great read. You look lovely.
    http://fashionablyidu.blogspot.com/

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  33. You look stunning. I can't imagine what it must be like to live somewhere so close knit like that. I don't know if it's a good thing or bad thing! (I love my personal space lol)

    Sxx
    www.daringcoco.com

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  34. This is such a cute jacket.
    Love your makeup in here as well

    The Bandwagon Chic | Instagram | Bloglovin | Snapchat: bandwagonchic

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  35. awww you're gorgeous
    love your makeup and hair dear
    your MUA did a fabulous job
    and cute jumper
    xxx
    http://itsjustwinnie.blogspot.co.uk/

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  36. Awwh you look so adorable, love the makeup! x

    www.hello-cat.blogspot.com

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  37. -shudders-

    Oh Bash! You write so beautifully and so very well, it's almost poetic. You fully deserve to be called a model but you make a great point that models are like everyone else with their quirks and differences. Love how cheerful your sweater is, perfect for this season!

    Musings & More

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  38. you're adorable!!! rad top!! :D

    Have a great week!
    Animated Confessions

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  39. Looking amazing! x

    www.fromluxewithlove.com

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  40. What a beautiful, comfy outfit! Absolutely love it!
    Fashion Soup

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  41. This is gorgeous - love it!!! Stunning :)

    Layla xx

    http://www.sprinklesofstyle.co.uk
    http://www.youtube.com/sprinklesofstyle

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  42. You're so pretty!! These photos are so cute! x

    V.
    http://violettedaily.com

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  43. Love these photos and I am just so in love with the way you did your makeup here! Your smokey eye look is just stunning!

    Rae | Love from Berlin

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  44. A very poetic post addressing an interesting topic; it's so important to remember that none of us are perfect! On a different note, I love your makeup, though I'm sad to hear you didn't feel as good once it was removed, I'm sure you still looked just as lovely! :) Also, I had no idea you were a model Bash, how brilliant, I hope you'll consider sharing some snaps on your blog at some point? Have a wonderful week! :)

    Gabrielle | A Glass Of Ice
    x

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    Replies
    1. I'm totally with Gabrielle! Each of us has flaws and it the imperfection which makes us perfect (and different in a postive way). I always forget the power of make up when watching at those beautiful humans. ;) Yours is still you, Bash! That's why I enjoy watching at your work. <3

      xoxo Ira
      JOURNAL OF STYLE / BLOGLOVIN

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  45. You look so happy in this post...I think regardless of what you wear, beauty shines through when you're truly content with yourself :) Great post!

    a small bit | bloglovin | twitter

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  46. A post to read from the 1st word to the last!...") xoxo, BING.
    love this new hair!

    www.bingyourstyle.com

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  47. You look great dear!

    http://helderschicplace.blogspot.com/2015/12/gray.html

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  48. I absolutely adore this! Hope you have a lovely day.

    ** I'm inviting you to join Love, Beauty Bloggers on facebook. A place for beauty and fashion bloggers from all over the world to promote their latest posts!

    NEW POST: MeNow Long Lasting Lipgloss Review and Swatches

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  49. I love your post, dear, you're right - we're all humans, so we aren't perfect at all. What about your makeup, it's really beautiful and it it's wonderful to hear that you felt special in this makeup, Bash ;)

    http://crafty-zone.blogspot.com/

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  50. This is a beautiful post. I was going to say (after reading the first few sentences) that you may be a hot mess, but you're an absolutely adorable one! I especially love the last image and your smile!
    Here's to being human! :D

    Lindsey Elyse | lindseyginge

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  51. The post is so great! Have a nice day:)

    irenethayer.com

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  52. Bash you are so amazing! It's so true how often what is putout into the world isn't the full picture and that can make us forget that no one is perfect every single person has flaws. You are beautiful Bash!<3

    http://rainbow-roseblossom.blogspot.co.nz/

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  53. I remember getting my makeup done for fashion shows I used to be in when I lived in Hawaii. I would never want to take off the perfectly done face STARDUSTBOHEMIAN.COM

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  54. This is so beautifully written! And I love the last picture! Great post!
    ~Lili
    www.thefashionsalt.com

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  55. Love the whole shot; the colourful hoodie and the background! Your eyemakeup is on point!!!


    Macarons and Mischief

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  56. Nice post ;-)
    www.sissihope.blogspot.ch

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  57. Beautifully written! You look wonderful!

    Tina
    www.justatinabit.com

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  58. I totally agree with you, dear! And let me say one thing: you are great!
    You are absolutely stunning!
    A big hug!
    xx Elisa

    Francine’s Place | Diy and Lifestyle Blog
    Instagram | Facebook | Bloglovin’ | Pinterest

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  59. Ah great post Bash. I can relate to the part about cringing when someone says you're a 'model'. I can happily post it on my social media because I see it as a promotional tool and a place where I share my online persona but when it comes up in everyday conversation with strangers, I really do cringe to talk about it. So I totally understand what you mean there!

    And you look gorgeous even chilling in a hoodie! =D

    Samio x
    www.samio.co.uk

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  60. You look amazing!

    Pop over to my blog!

    Sarah
    https://everydayconcepts.wordpress.com

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  61. I love this so much. Not only do you look beautiful in your photos, but the words you've written are how I feel at times. Lovely post !!

    Kathlyn | https://kathlynskorner.wordpress.com/

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