I'm not ugly, I'm not pretty either. I look fine most days. Most people do. We're absolutely fine on the sliding scale of beauty. When I look in the mirror, my mind floods with reckless thoughts. Some days, I'm the prettiest girl in the world. Other days, I'm a hideous troll. Most days, I just make stupid faces to make myself laugh.
Yet I become a little more insecure with each passing day. I notice spots that shouldn't be there, darker circles from sleepless nights, fat where there wasn't. I use to think I looked alright. Beautiful, even.
So what happened?
Perhaps it was an accumulation of stress, nerves and pent-up anger.
Heavy rocks crushed my stomach and a dying scream never left in my throat. Exam Week had just started but I was already feeling its painful effects. A few tears, lack of sleep, and festering frustration that couldn't disappear.
Because of that, my mind drifted and I ached. I looked at myself sometimes, and wondered why I ever thought I was even beautiful. The worst thing is, I knew exactly what was causing it. I was having an Ugly Day. (Ugly Week to be more accurate)
An Ugly Day is a day when there's nothing wrong with you at all but your mind says otherwise. Everyone has those days. You can't help but feel a little insecure, especially when you're comparing yourself to someone. It's human nature. If you don't, you are a robot without emotions bent on taking over the world.
I hate Ugly Days. I wake up groggy and grumpy, look in the mirror and grimace. My skin is sick and pale, my eyes are dull with deep circles, and my face is both gaunt and chubby. I am annoyed, irritated and everything is just wrong. I hate days like these because it leaves us feeling gross and dirty.
So after a hellish first week, I needed to feel pretty again. So I did what anyone would do. I slapped on thick makeup and danced to Pour Some Sugar On Me with a comb as a microphone. And took photos.
And it worked, I felt pretty. Pretty silly, pretty stupid but still pretty.
The miracle could be due to many things. Seeing myself awkwardly dance like a GIF on repeat in the mirror. The total confidence boost from putting on makeup. The realization that this ugliness would go away eventually.
So I vie for the Pretty Days. I wake up happy and fresh, look in the mirror and smile. I've got clear skin, my eyes are big and bright, and my cheekbones are chiseled. I can go to school, enjoy myself and not have a single care in the world. I don't want to be anyone but myself.
My apologies if this was melodramatic, but I tend to be. This is one of the more personal posts I've done so far. It's been some time since I felt Unpretty for this long. It usually stays for a day or two, not a whole month. This was an anecdote I needed to let out.
So what are your thoughts on Ugly Days, Pretty Days and those Pretty Ugly Days? What do you do on those bad Ugly Days, and how do you get over them?